at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
