When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
