so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I didn't notice because vodka
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
