He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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