This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
