Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
