You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
