Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
