nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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