Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
