You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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