you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
