The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
