Buhtt sex?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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