Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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