we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
