the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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