You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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