I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
