You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
