that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
