ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
