So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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