You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
