there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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