he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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