whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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