I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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