If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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