M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
