So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
