apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
