I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
