Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
vagina is talking i cant
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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