There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
