Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
