I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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