I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
