There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
