forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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