i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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