dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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