If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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