just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
