people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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