i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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