so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
