Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
