Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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