Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
